I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
