So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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