he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
