sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
