And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
