So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize