Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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