The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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