so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
