the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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