what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
