We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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