you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize