I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
