you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
