He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
