genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
