I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
