my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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