Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
