..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I need moral support for this bender
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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