I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
