I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
