he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
