i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
