Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
