The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize