; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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