my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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