Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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