I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
