I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
