im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
