It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
