Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize