He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
