i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
