Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
