Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
