she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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