Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
