The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How naked do you want me to be?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
