just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
