Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
