I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No subtext here. People are naked.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would ride that face into the sunset
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
