Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
