you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
