It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
