When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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