Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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