K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
