I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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