So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i will never coherently bang her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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