A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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