I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
