I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
