they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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