booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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