oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
