I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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