if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
