3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
