My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
