i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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