my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
