I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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