he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
