i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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