Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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