asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
