You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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