Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
