Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
