If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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